Chapter 1- Wounded
Smile, make them think
you're happy
Lie and say that things are
fine
And hide that empty longing
that you feel
Don't ever show it, just
keep your heart concealed
Why are the days so lonely?
I wonder where, where can a
heart go free?
And who will dry the tears
that no one sees?
There must be someone to
share your silent dreams
Caught like a leaf in the
wind
Looking for a friend, where
can you turn?
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August
2013
It was a wonderful
sunny day; the weather was bright, with soft, white, fluffy clouds that lazily
flirt across the clear blue sky. A
gentle breeze could be felt while it filtered through the tree branches and
leaves. The sun was a blazing ball of
heat in the sky that heated up the atmosphere, while the ocean lay calm and
inviting, also reflecting the beauty of the clear blue sky above.
It was such a
peaceful and warm Friday afternoon. The
sounds of the birds singing and the ocean waves crashing against the dock or
sea boulders in the distance was quite calming to her nerves and tortured soul.
Steffie was sitting
in the Botanical Gardens thinking about her life and what had happen to her to
change it in the last two months.
The Botanical Gardens, was a large park
with various big trees and lush green grass that stretched across from one
point to the other. There were a few
flowers along the park which were cut in a way that made it mesmerising.
The Gardens were
quite peaceful with children’s laughter while playing, and a few people sitting
or walking around. Occasionally, a
vehicle diving through the Gardens spoiled the tranquillity.
How could I have been so dense?
She asked herself over and over again.
Steffie had met Jake
six months ago, but knew him for about two years before. He’d came to her like a wolf in sheep’s
clothing, pretending to be good, caring and very charming.
Jake was a 5ft 4, fair-skin man to her
brown-skin complexion. He was passably
handsome with his skin color, smile and kiss-me now eyes. They’d been communicating via text for a year
and half now; they had met very few times in person and she knew him to a
minimum of what he’d told her. That day
six months ago, however, Jake was sitting on the Bus stop with a friend of his,
and she was just passing by when he’d stop her.
“Hey, young lady. How are you doing?” he’d asked.
“I’m doing just fine, how are you?” she’d
asked with a smile, ever the friendly one.
“I’m good but could be better.” He’d told
her.
“What do you mean?” she asked curiosity
getting the better of her.
“Well see, I been trying to get this girl
attention for a while now and she just refused to give me the time of day.” He
said looking her straight in the eye.
“Oh, well sorry to hear that. Maybe she isn’t interested, and you should
give up trying.” she responded, finally realising what he’d been saying.
He was referring to her not accepting his
advances and always coming up with an excuse to why she wasn’t interested.
“Nah, I won’t give up, I’m gonna take the
challenge and try and tame her wild heart so that she can see that I can be the
man she needs.” He said with determination in his voice.
“Well, all the best there.” She’d said.
“You do know, that I would never hurt
you, right?” he asked.
“No, I don’t know, but you men are all
the same with the same lines.” She said with a tilt to her head looking at him,
“You all say the same thing to get into a woman’s pants. You ‘men’ don’t care
to treat a woman right nor with respect, and I have had enough of that with my
last boyfriend.” She’d told him with a hint of smile to soften her words.
“Not all men are the same, and if I were
given the chance I could prove that to you.” He’d told her, smiling and
pleading his case.
She couldn’t deny that she liked his
looks, even if he wasn’t as handsome as other men, and she liked that he
decided not to give up trying. It was a
trait she admired.
She had been
captivated by his charm, he was different from the men she dated before and
been hurt by. Boy was she dense to have
given in to his pleading voice. Now she couldn’t believe how stupid she had
been to fall for such a charmer.
Steffie sighed and
leaned back into the wooden bench.
What am I going to do now? Why did this
have to happen to me, now? Why couldn’t
I just been treated right for once? Why
did I have to be so stupid and literally take a chance to only be hurt like
this? Why me? Why does things always go wrong for me? Steffie kept asking herself.
She looked at her
watch then sighed heavily. She’d been
sitting in the park for an hour now, since she’d finished the training course
for the day.
The
course in which she was taking part in, was an Entrepreneurship course for youths
and adults. It was being taught for just
a month and then the rest would be up to her to do the rest.
Over
the past three weeks she’d learn a lot about running and managing a business,
and she hoped that she’d be able to apply those skills to her own business
soon.
A
lot was going on in her life but she refused to let it deter her from making
the best of the situation she was in and a future for herself.
Steffie
stood up and picked up her brown side bag from the bench, she opened it and
took her bottle of water out and took a drink before quickly returning it back
to her bag well sealed.
She
walked across the park roads towards the gate in which she had entered and
exited it. She dug around in her bag for
her phone which was ringing and looked at the caller ID before answering.
The
past month she and her jerk of an ex had not been communicating. She was happy to be rid of him; yet at the
same time was frustrated and pissed at him for getting her into this situation.
“Hi,
Mom.”
“Where
are you?” her mom asked, sounding worried.
“I’m
making my way towards the bus stop to get a bus to come home, why?” she asked.
“Oh,
okay. Nothing, was just worried to know
if you’re ok.” Her mom said with relief in her voice.
Steffie
smiled.
She
loved her mom, even if she knew she’d disappointed her. Her Mother wasn’t happy when she’d found out,
but she’d extended her support, like all mothers did, not without warning and
advising her.
“See
you in a while, Mom”
“Yeah,
okay.”
Steffie
hung up the call and made her way towards the bus stop to get a bus to travel
home. She was thankful that she got a
bus leaving on time and didn’t have to sit and wait for the bus to leave. She
hated waiting. She dug around in the
bag for her earphones, connected them to her phone & inserted the ear buds
into her ears and let the soothing music surround her.
It
was the weekend and she was planning on enjoying her weekend with no mishaps
and drama. Just one more week to go of
the training and then it would be back to her normal boring life, only it was
no longer normal.
Two
months ago she’d decided to take a ‘leap of faith’ and let Jake prove to her
that not all men were the same – lying,
cheating, disgraceful bastards – but yet he’d only prove to her that he was
just the same. She knew not all men were
the same and that another man wasn’t to pay for one man’s betrayal, but as of
now she was done with relationships.
He
didn’t just lie to her, he’d hurt her mentally and although she didn’t love
him, he’d hurt her emotionally. Her mom
was right to not have liked him when she’d met him. He was just a loser, a smoker and a S.O.B.
She
started questioning herself yet again. What
had I ever done in life to be hurt like this? Why can’t I find and have a good
relationship that would last?
Seems
like every time she tried to be happy it was always snatched away from
her. She almost felt like giving up all
together on life, yet again.
That
night when she got home, she greeted her parents, who didn’t take the news to well when she’d told them what had happened
with her ex weeks before, then headed off to her room.
She
undressed then walked over to the mirror which was hanging on her door and just
looked herself from head to toe. You
couldn’t tell any difference in her except for the slight glow on her
face. She took a warm shower and a few
minutes later she got out feeling refreshed, and put on her shorts and tank-top
and went over to the bed. Lying on her
bed, thoughts and emotions over-whelmed her and she ended up crying herself to
sleep like she always did. She was
experiencing slight back pains and fatigue so was thankful every night for her
soft bed.
'When we hurt each/another
With our words,
With our actions,
Or even with our thoughts,
It causes a wound.
Some wounds are seen,
Some are invincible,
Some wounds heal and some leaves scars.
And some wounds which are constantly inflicted or opened again
and again....
May never heal.'
-Serlina Rose
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Copyright © Serlina Rose 2015
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