Excerpts from My book

Chapter 1- Wounded

Smile, make them think you're happy
Lie and say that things are fine
And hide that empty longing that you feel
Don't ever show it, just keep your heart concealed
Why are the days so lonely?
I wonder where, where can a heart go free?
And who will dry the tears that no one sees?
There must be someone to share your silent dreams
Caught like a leaf in the wind
Looking for a friend, where can you turn?

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August 2013

It was a wonderful sunny day; the weather was bright, with soft, white, fluffy clouds that lazily flirt across the clear blue sky.  A gentle breeze could be felt while it filtered through the tree branches and leaves.  The sun was a blazing ball of heat in the sky that heated up the atmosphere, while the ocean lay calm and inviting, also reflecting the beauty of the clear blue sky above.

It was such a peaceful and warm Friday afternoon.  The sounds of the birds singing and the ocean waves crashing against the dock or sea boulders in the distance was quite calming to her nerves and tortured soul.

Steffie was sitting in the Botanical Gardens thinking about her life and what had happen to her to change it in the last two months.

The Botanical Gardens, was a large park with various big trees and lush green grass that stretched across from one point to the other.  There were a few flowers along the park which were cut in a way that made it mesmerising. 

The Gardens were quite peaceful with children’s laughter while playing, and a few people sitting or walking around.  Occasionally, a vehicle diving through the Gardens spoiled the tranquillity.

How could I have been so dense?  She asked herself over and over again.

Steffie had met Jake six months ago, but knew him for about two years before.  He’d came to her like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, pretending to be good, caring and very charming. 

Jake was a 5ft 4, fair-skin man to her brown-skin complexion.  He was passably handsome with his skin color, smile and kiss-me now eyes.  They’d been communicating via text for a year and half now; they had met very few times in person and she knew him to a minimum of what he’d told her.  That day six months ago, however, Jake was sitting on the Bus stop with a friend of his, and she was just passing by when he’d stop her.

“Hey, young lady.  How are you doing?” he’d asked.

“I’m doing just fine, how are you?” she’d asked with a smile, ever the friendly one.

“I’m good but could be better.” He’d told her.

“What do you mean?” she asked curiosity getting the better of her.

“Well see, I been trying to get this girl attention for a while now and she just refused to give me the time of day.” He said looking her straight in the eye.

“Oh, well sorry to hear that.  Maybe she isn’t interested, and you should give up trying.” she responded, finally realising what he’d been saying.

He was referring to her not accepting his advances and always coming up with an excuse to why she wasn’t interested.

“Nah, I won’t give up, I’m gonna take the challenge and try and tame her wild heart so that she can see that I can be the man she needs.” He said with determination in his voice.

“Well, all the best there.” She’d said.

“You do know, that I would never hurt you, right?” he asked.

“No, I don’t know, but you men are all the same with the same lines.” She said with a tilt to her head looking at him, “You all say the same thing to get into a woman’s pants. You ‘men’ don’t care to treat a woman right nor with respect, and I have had enough of that with my last boyfriend.” She’d told him with a hint of smile to soften her words.

“Not all men are the same, and if I were given the chance I could prove that to you.” He’d told her, smiling and pleading his case.

She couldn’t deny that she liked his looks, even if he wasn’t as handsome as other men, and she liked that he decided not to give up trying.  It was a trait she admired.

She had been captivated by his charm, he was different from the men she dated before and been hurt by.  Boy was she dense to have given in to his pleading voice. Now she couldn’t believe how stupid she had been to fall for such a charmer.

Steffie sighed and leaned back into the wooden bench.

What am I going to do now? Why did this have to happen to me, now?  Why couldn’t I just been treated right for once?  Why did I have to be so stupid and literally take a chance to only be hurt like this? Why me? Why does things always go wrong for me?  Steffie kept asking herself.

She looked at her watch then sighed heavily.  She’d been sitting in the park for an hour now, since she’d finished the training course for the day.

The course in which she was taking part in, was an Entrepreneurship course for youths and adults.  It was being taught for just a month and then the rest would be up to her to do the rest.

Over the past three weeks she’d learn a lot about running and managing a business, and she hoped that she’d be able to apply those skills to her own business soon.

A lot was going on in her life but she refused to let it deter her from making the best of the situation she was in and a future for herself.

Steffie stood up and picked up her brown side bag from the bench, she opened it and took her bottle of water out and took a drink before quickly returning it back to her bag well sealed.

She walked across the park roads towards the gate in which she had entered and exited it.  She dug around in her bag for her phone which was ringing and looked at the caller ID before answering.

The past month she and her jerk of an ex had not been communicating.  She was happy to be rid of him; yet at the same time was frustrated and pissed at him for getting her into this situation.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Where are you?” her mom asked, sounding worried.

“I’m making my way towards the bus stop to get a bus to come home, why?” she asked.

“Oh, okay.  Nothing, was just worried to know if you’re ok.” Her mom said with relief in her voice.

Steffie smiled. 

She loved her mom, even if she knew she’d disappointed her.  Her Mother wasn’t happy when she’d found out, but she’d extended her support, like all mothers did, not without warning and advising her.

“See you in a while, Mom”

“Yeah, okay.”

Steffie hung up the call and made her way towards the bus stop to get a bus to travel home.  She was thankful that she got a bus leaving on time and didn’t have to sit and wait for the bus to leave.  She hated waiting.  She dug around in the bag for her earphones, connected them to her phone & inserted the ear buds into her ears and let the soothing music surround her.

It was the weekend and she was planning on enjoying her weekend with no mishaps and drama.  Just one more week to go of the training and then it would be back to her normal boring life, only it was no longer normal.

Two months ago she’d decided to take a ‘leap of faith’ and let Jake prove to her that not all men were the same – lying, cheating, disgraceful bastards – but yet he’d only prove to her that he was just the same.  She knew not all men were the same and that another man wasn’t to pay for one man’s betrayal, but as of now she was done with relationships.

He didn’t just lie to her, he’d hurt her mentally and although she didn’t love him, he’d hurt her emotionally.  Her mom was right to not have liked him when she’d met him.  He was just a loser, a smoker and a S.O.B.

She started questioning herself yet again. What had I ever done in life to be hurt like this? Why can’t I find and have a good relationship that would last?

Seems like every time she tried to be happy it was always snatched away from her.  She almost felt like giving up all together on life, yet again.

That night when she got home, she greeted her parents, who didn’t take the news to well when she’d told them what had happened with her ex weeks before, then headed off to her room.

She undressed then walked over to the mirror which was hanging on her door and just looked herself from head to toe.  You couldn’t tell any difference in her except for the slight glow on her face.  She took a warm shower and a few minutes later she got out feeling refreshed, and put on her shorts and tank-top and went over to the bed.  Lying on her bed, thoughts and emotions over-whelmed her and she ended up crying herself to sleep like she always did.  She was experiencing slight back pains and fatigue so was thankful every night for her soft bed.

'When we hurt each/another
With our words,
With our actions,
Or even with our thoughts,
It causes a wound.

Some wounds are seen,
Some are invincible,
Some wounds heal and some leaves scars.
And some wounds which are constantly inflicted or opened again and again....
May never heal.'
-Serlina Rose
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Copyright © Serlina Rose 2015

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